This popped up on my phone today 😢 December 30, 2019. Katie with Lillie, her daughter Audrey, her son Beau, and Stella. The loves of her life. Entering into a new year with a gaping hole of a loved one can feel extremely overwhelming. One of my newfound discoveries on grief is that the pain doesn’t necessarily get “better” each day, you don’t miss someone less simply because a day passes, but you just learn to adjust differently at each sunrise. Maybe you move more swiftly from constant sobbing to a dull underlying pain, still there in the midst of joy and laughter, or you keep on crying until you make it to the next step on the mountain of grief. No right or wrong way. It feels too scary to think about spring/summer/fall/winter without her so I just ask God to help me live for today, as this moment is the only guarantee I have anyway. I’m very busy with little ones, her amazing husband is also, and my daddy is enduring the worst heartache of his life with so much alone time and no concerts on the calendar (been touring every single year since 1963). It’s so so impossibly hard to hear grief still so fresh and loud and trembling. And too much weight to bear to think too far in the future, and how we will all navigate her absence.

At the sermon on the mount Jesus said “Do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself”, my mama always told me that. And it’s the only way to live after loss. So that’s what I’m trying. “Healing After Loss” and “Grieving with Hope” are beautiful books for those struggling, especially after such a harrowing year. Just wanted to put some words down today, things were feeling heavy and a bit rubbery. And writing makes me feel lighter. We are all in this thing called life together, let’s NEVER forget we are not alone in our sorrows. Peace be with you this week my friends ❤️ And my deepest condolences to anyone also traveling this rocky road. Try these books out for someone in your world, they are healing…

xo holly
holly williams journal

Her Absence

December 30, 2020