MOMS of young ones, do you ever stroll by the mirror when the last one goes to sleep after your 14 hour mom shift has officially ended (now moving to laundry and dishes yay!), and stop in your tracks, and think any of the following?? 

What is happening to me? Who consciously chose these clothes? Did I put them on? Am I even wearing a bra? What are these shoes??? These are the most unflattering pants I’ve ever seen, did I buy these while sober? I look so exhausted! Is this what I actually look like? Do my children even remember what I look like with pants that fit, red lipstick and bouncy clean, fake blonde hair? Why is my hair 50 shades of brown? Why is the rug still tattered? Why is that cord still there? Why is there a target calendar in my foyer hall after 2 weeks? Did I traumatize them today when I lost my temper? How do single moms do this? How do my littles make me so angry and so happy? Do they still love me? Do they think I’m cool? Is there an ounce of cool even left in me? Am I turning into my grandma at an early age? What should I do after more cleaning? Emails? Bath? Text responses? Monster truck floor clean up? Fruit snacks organization? Read? Pull Ups inventory? Talk to husband? Talk to Jesus? Call mom? Ignore everyone? Lock myself in the bathroom alone and get my heart rate returned to normal via breathing exercises? Do they know how grateful I am to have them? Do they know how much joy they bring me? Do I assure them of that, in spite of my frequent temporary insanity when we are all stuck in house? Are they getting the best or worst of me? How do I give them more of the best of me? Am I taking care of myself? Do they see that? Am I creating a safe, peaceful, nurturing, and loving environment to the best of my ability? Do they see me handle situations where they leave feeling heard? Or do I try to quiet them too fast? Did I listen to their needs today or shut them down too much from my own selfishness? Just get me out of this outfit! And lastly, is there any living breathing babysitter/house cleaner that will come to my house when the first rooster crows? 

xo holly

holly williams journal

The mama struggles

February 2, 2021