Dr. Seuss once said, “You never know the value of a moment until it becomes a memory.” What stunning and poignant words. I’m trying desperately to catch each one, and hold on to it just long enough for an imprint to stay behind. To grasp all of the beautiful and wretched like my favorite old polaroids which always remain in my head, and never fade with the passing of time. There’s been so much life swirling inside this living of mine, and all I’ve been begging of myself is to write it down and remember. For too long. So here goes!
Some long sentiments, some short. Some light, some dark. Some weightless as a feather and some heavy as a wrecking ball. But I’d like to preserve it all in this form. And look back on it when I need to, when I want to. To show my babies. And tell a few stories. I hope you will find a little something here to stir up your head and heart, with a splash of solace and a dollop of joy on the side...
Thank you for being here!
motherhood
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Her absence is most illuminated on days like these. Withering leaves and children enthralled with pumpkins and promises of Christmas joy, to soon enchant them every single night until Santa arrives. My sister Katie would have just turned 32 if she were still here. My niece and nephew are now 7 and 9, miraculously her husband Tyler fully recovered from the car accident and has remarried ❤️ Grief in itself never really seems to have proper closure, that’s what I have always found. Maybe the gut wrenching sobs have subsided, the shock so prevalent in our bones has worn off, those who took to the bed finally got out, some months later. But even in the “it’s been 4 years now” season, there are so many times when I think such simple things over and over-“I still can’t believe this is real. I can’t believe I can’t call her. I can’t believe she is actually gone”. The shock hit me again today in the grocery aisle. Like a surprise reminder notification that comes up in the most mundane of places. I’m not deep enough into the woods of life-without-her to know if those recurring thoughts will ever disappear. But I am still quietly shocked, in the midst of my most joy filled moments it is always lying there, ready to be considered and mourned again. And I deeply and desperately miss her. And I so awfully wish she could watch her children grow up, the way I get to watch mine. And that we could still talk about their bloom together. The holidays were her favorite time with them. She had the Christmas card fully situated by this time, and was so delightfully excited for the many holiday memories to come with each passing year. To anyone who has endured these tragedies, maybe we can never believe they’re gone. Can we? The grief can feel so new, even when it’s old. It hits differently with age on it. In the meantime, in honor of the ones we lost, we MUST take heart of how precious each sunrise really is. No matter which beautiful or dreadfully awful season we are navigating. Another day bursting with life is one that she would have so loved to have, so loved to have been able to live. When I had to choose this resting spot for her in the grass, I loved how the sun shone there…
Halloween memories from tonight alllll the way back to 15 years ago with interesting pre-kid choices 🤣🎃 Wal Mart had slim pickin’s at 5pm on Halloween night so I dressed up as some kind of disaster Christmas lady. Georgia was an adorable ghostbuster lastnight for a trunk or treat but I couldn’t pull off getting another human dressed tonight so she went as herself (i.e. adorable baby). My other crazies were looking real good tonight though! And the shirt @colemantime is wearing at least went along with my Christmas theme, so I’m giving the costume planning and execution of 2024 a solid 6 out of 10. Mediocre choices but extra points for how cute they are. I think the grand prize goes to our Santa’s elves year! Hope all of you had a BALL, now we all get to go to bed praise beeeeeee to Jesus!! Hope you made some shimmering memories tonight if you were lucky enough to see it through the eyes of giddy children ❤️
Georgia Grace is TWO!!! She is the healing salve for all of our beat up and withered hearts, and her joy knows no bounds. She can bring a smile on a sidewalk out of even the most stern demeanors. Oh Georgia! I never dreamed of a love this wild and vast-covering every terrain this family has ever known. Even the dreadfully bleak ones we never thought we would recover from. How did we get so lucky? I will never know. Every night the girls ask Jesus if they can please have a Down syndrome baby when they grow up 😥❤️ The most precious prayer I’ve ever heard in my life. Thank God I threw caution to the wind and wasn’t worried about being an “old” mom having you at 41. You are the sunshine of our lives, as Stevie Wonder so beautifully sings. I can’t believe we get to watch you bloom from dawn to dusk, over and over and over. September 25, 2022 was a life changing day for us. My darling delicious dumpling toodlebugs girl, you are deeply and immensely loved… #theupsideofdowns #downsyndromeawareness
It is very hard to process the unfathomable devastation that has occurred. Mountain communities have quite literally been wiped off the map with no phones to call for help, no food, water, gas, wifi, or any hope of rescue coming to them in many areas. They are alone in the dark with no communication infrastructure working. Homes, businesses, roads, hotels, everything washed away in a few hours of completely unexpected flooding.
I have heard friends speak of children walking around naked looking for parents, people watching their neighbors on top of roofs all get washed away when it crumbles in, as this is the most tragic weather event there since 1916. Hundreds still unaccounted for. I started honing in on the North Carolina stories because a family member still has not heard from her father. The way these mountain towns are set up if roads are gone they are gone, you can’t just hop to the next town and find cell service, food, supplies, etc.
Desperation is rampant.
Many have said “Once a town is now a river”. I know there is also absolutely awful devastation through South Carolina, Georgia, Tennessee, and Florida. My deepest condolences to all who are suffering through this nightmare, and who have lost loved ones or are surviving agonizing hours of a waiting game. Thousands have lost everything their family worked so hard on for generations-many farms, historic businesses, produce stands, restaurants, tourist attractions, everything just gone in an instant.
My favorite places to donate who have boots on the ground and are trying desperately via helicopters to rescue people are @globalempowermentmission and @samaritanspurse, while delivering critical supplies wherever they can get in. Please also consider @mercychefs providing homemade meals. Leave any links you can for localized efforts or go fund me pages etc so we can all dig in however we are able. Sometimes the media is only focused on the bigger places and I know multiple towns have disappeared. These harrowing pictures are from East Tennessee and North Carolina, to my knowledge ❤️ May God be near you all…
